Sounding Addiction & Recovery Series Part 1: Managing The Holidays From The Divided Sky Foundation

When I was asked to write a piece about addiction and recovery during the holiday season for JamBase, I had a few moments where I was petrified because in my capacity at the Divided Sky Foundation, I know what a complex time of year it is for many people. The end of the calendar year is speckled with celebration, tradition, and opportunities to look into the future as we approach the New Year.

For me, the end of the calendar year is always rewarded and celebrated with my phamily. Even if I can’t make it to Madison Square Garden, I make a point to get out of the house with my partner, Bridgette, and celebrate what we have accomplished each year in a musical way.

In a perfect world, holidays would carry connotations of loving family, serving our local communities, and showing our love through gift giving and acts of kindness. And while elements of these acts of humanity and servitude do often present themselves, the holidays can also be a Pandora’s box of stressors, challenging family dynamics, and celebration accompanied by drug use.

As someone in recovery, it took me years to dislodge the nostalgic nature of boozing through the holidays. Over time, however, my reaction to societal pressures subsided and I began to think much more about healthier approaches to the holidays – and tough times, in general. These days I know that I need to start by not overcommitting. I need to proceed by creating boundaries. And I must not approach the holidays with unenforceable rules or a striving for absolute perfectionism.

Allow me, then, to share with you all some perspectives – focusing on my own here and now – and cover a few “dos” and “don’ts” that inform our work around addiction here in the Okemo Valley of Central Vermont at the newly opened Divided Sky Foundation.

The Divided Sky Foundation has been a work in progress for many years. What once began as a plan for a medical rehab facility and detox has evolved into a non-medical residential recovery retreat. We are 12-step inclusive and build our programmatic foundation on Dr. Allen Berger’s work on emotional sobriety and a particular mindfulness methodology from Dr. Eric Garland titled Mindfulness Oriented Recovery Enhancements (MORE). Complimented by other offerings, we approach recovery and addiction with a philosophy that change begins within oneself. Not only must we make agentive decisions to change our habits, but we must also decide how, when, and why we respond to the world around us and if those responses embody our authentic selves.

If you or someone you love may be suffering from their active addiction, consider a few suggestions:

• Offer support but draw boundaries. Coddling and dependency quickly become problematic for all parties involved.
• Approach with empathy rather than stigma and undue judgment. Kindness and understanding foster productive conversations.
• Ask them what they want. Whether it is in this moment, in the future, or otherwise – they need to be the people making the decisions about their lives.
• Take care of yourself. If you find your relationship with a family member or loved one is causing you harm, groups like Al-Anon or ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) are extremely helpful.

If I may share a few guiding words for everyone this holiday, particularly for those who may be, or are on the verge of, struggling with substances please consider the following.

• If the only thing we strive for or expect is perfection, then we are setting ourselves up for constant failure. When I think of holiday-centric pitfalls, this is the first thing that comes to my mind for everyone, no matter their health status.
• Be wary of unenforceable rules. Unenforceable rules center on the idea that life circumstances (people, places, and things in popular AA parlance) must be a certain way for us to be OK. Instead of “if, then” statements, becomes more manageable with something like “I’ll be okay even if” statements. We are preparing ourselves for the inevitable: life.
• Acceptance. In other words, living life on life’s terms. If one can practice acceptance regularly, we can finetune our abilities to move through the world unscathed by the little things and focus on proper priorities.

Finally, as the Divided Sky Residential Recovery Retreat’s Director of Doing Stuff, one wish for everyone, whether you are struggling, someone you know is struggling, or you are just struggling in your wait for a well-deserved New Year’s Eve show, is to do stuff.

“Do stuff?” you ask? Yes, do stuff. As an ethnomusicologist (a person who studies people’s experience of the world through sound and music), my outlook is intimately informed by the importance of creative expression in the creation of identity, cultural practice, community, and an overall sense of self and self-worth. Doing stuff – whether that is participating in music, making something with your hands, taking a hike in the woods, playing a board game, or debating the cosmological significance or possibility of a donut universe – is very much at the heart of what makes humans human. No matter our affliction, or lack thereof, doing stuff brings us closer to other people and to ourselves.

While the cliché of connection being the opposite of addiction may be a little overstated, there is no doubt in my mind that people in active addiction do less and less stuff over time – they become deactivated. Get that person out in the world to do something meaningful. Along with offering support to those in an active addiction, or recognizing how to create boundaries for yourself, activities and interactions add up over time and could just be the thing that helps turn the tides.

If you or someone you know wants to know more about our program, give us a call at (802) 735-7890 or visit our website www.dividedskyfoundation.com.

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Ross Brillhart is an ethnomusicologist, public health specialist, folklorist, live music fanatic, rock climber, and the Program Manager (Director of Doing Stuff) at the Divided Sky Foundation.

Trey Anastasio of the band Phish founded the Divided Sky Foundation. At The Divided Sky Residential Recovery Program, guests are taught to make positive changes and work toward the best versions of themselves. Being in recovery means being proactive in one’s life. Guests learn the importance of setting boundaries, being honest with themselves and others, and designing a healthy and stable life free from mood-altering substances.

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